In Choir, the first thing I learned during a performance was where to look. It is very nerve-wracking to sing in front of a sea of eyes that are staring at you. Thus, I was taught to stare at the ceiling and when you are brave enough you can try looking at the audience while performing. Another important aspect to stage performance is to project your voice. The plus side of performing in a group is that the mistakes you make blend in with the rest of your peers’ voices and as a result people can hardly notice your mistakes. However, when performing solo, you are put under a microscopic lens so your mistakes get magnified 10 times larger so it becomes very noticeable when you mess up. Therefore, projecting my voice is harder to do when performing solo. Hence, on a scale of one to ten, performing solo is ten times scarier than performing in a group.
I think due to my super self-awareness of the potential mistakes I could make, I unconsciously constrain my throat muscle. The feeling of this is comparable to having something stuck in your throat that you can’t take out. It feels super uncomfortable. During the office hour session with Jasper, I noticed that I was constraining my throat muscle. My mind is probably thinking that by doing this I will be less prone to making mistakes. However, in reality by constraining my throat I sounded super weird. I think Jasper noticed how I was constraining my voice, so she told me to imagine that I was singing in the shower. The reason why is that I love to sing in the shower. Of course, when I am in the shower I can imagine that I am Beyoncé and I can sing without a care in the world. In the shower, while singing I would feel less tense because no one is listening, no eyes are on me, and I don’t care whether I make mistakes or not. Hence, changing the way I perceive my environment helps me loosen up a bit. So, when I try singing the chorus of my song again. Jasper said that I sounded a lot more free and she was able to hear the natural sound of my voice. This incident helped me realize that having a certain mindset while performing can help shape the way you sound.
When preparing for my solo performance, my mindset was to sound as best as I can. However, at some points during the process I gave up on this idea. There was no way I would be blessed with a heaven defying voice in a few weeks. Also, the chances of having a drastic improvement of my singing skill in a few weeks is nearly impossible. Therefore, my goal is to have fun while singing the song. Just like how I would sing in the shower, I hope to convey my joy of singing this song to the audience that are listening.
The first step to achieving my goal lies within the song itself. The song I chose for my solo performance is “Fireflies” by Owl City. I choose this song because for me it brings back a very strong feeling of nostalgia. Listening to this song would take me back to the good old childhood times. Back to the times when everything was so carefree, there was no worry, no stress, and just good vibes. I found a quote from someone on the internet that really resonated with the feeling I have for this song: “Music is the closest thing we have to time travel.” This quote was very intriguing because time travel is such an abstract topic. For me, “Fireflies” is one of the songs that is closest to time travel because it helps me relive the memories or feelings I had as a kid where all I had to worry about was relaxing and having fun. This is also why I get a sense of nostalgia when listening to the song. Overall, “Fireflies” is a good song to listen to when I want to escape from all the crazy things that are happening in my life.
While thinking back on the fun memories that were associated with the song, I was able to loosen up a bit. This was when I thought that it doesn’t matter how I sounded, as long as I was enjoying myself then that was enough. The lyrics of the song also made the experience more enjoyable. As I was singing, I tried to imagine the ten millions of fireflies in the air as I closed my eyes. In addition, I let the fresh, dreamy, and happy melody of the song sync into my mind. As I allowed the lyrics and melody to occupy my headspace, I was able to forget the pressure I had of sounding good as I sang.
When practicing for the solo performance I not only sang “Fireflies”, but I also sang other songs as well. The night before I did the video recording, I had a karaoke night with myself. In order to set a fun mood, I tried to sing along to most of the songs that I enjoy listening to. As I was singing along to the many songs, I forgot that I was singing for an assignment I had to complete. At that moment I was just singing for myself. I liked the feeling I had then and decided to do an audio recording of me singing “Fireflies”. The next day, when I did the video recording for the song, I couldn’t get the feeling right even though I have tried recording it multiple times. The reason why was probably because I felt uneasy in front of the camera since it was the first time I sang in front of one. In the end I decided to use the audio recording I had the night before as the final product.
After practicing for hours, I thought I knew exactly what to do. However, when it came to the performance day I was choked up by nervousness. I think, in order to be comfortable enough to do a good performance really takes practice, time, hard work, and courage. As Mister Rogers from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood would say, it’s okay to not succeed on the first try.
